The 2019 Good Gifts Guide

Hello dear readers! It’s been too long!

I’ve been in the all-consuming weeds of writing for other people, and someday soon, I hope to share with you all my lessons learned from taking on one too many contracts. (Lesson #1: don’t do this. You will absolutely exhaust yourself and force yourself to the border of a mental breakdown.)

I don’t have the words for my last 16 months yet, but what I do have are awesome ideas for your holiday gift-giving (which is not at all the same thing, but hopefully equally valuable and way more fun to read?).

If you’ve read my gift guides before, welcome back!

If not, here are a few things you should know: 

1. I own everything on this list. I am very far from being an influencer, so these are just things I like and use on a regular basis.

2. In 2015, I adopted a uniform. In 2016, I lived out of a backpack. In 2017, I only bought from social impact brands. And in 2018, I didn’t buy anything at all. I live my life as a series of experiments, and a lot of them have impacted my consumption and shopping.

3. After all of these adventures, I landed on one sustainable shopping practice: I want everything I own to have a story. The second, equally important practice: I want to support other people with my purchases (which includes the opposite, too: not harming other people with my purchases).

Because of these three truths, my gift guide may look a bit different than what you might see in a magazine. I try to buy as ethically as possible, I love small and local businesses, and I’m very into job creation. I also love a good thrift or consignment store!

Fair warning: you will almost always pay more when you forego fast fashion. But hopefully, you will buy fewer, better-made products that last.

SO HERE WE GO: MY 2019 GOOD GIFT GUIDE…

APPAREL

1. The Montague Workshop “Joy Rebel” shirt. Remember Kid President? (If you haven’t watched his pep talk 100,000,000 times, go give it a re-watch.) Well, he made all of those videos with his brother-in-law — a guy named Brad Montague. Brad has taken the inspirational messages of Kid President and turned them into art and gear — and I LOVE this reminder to be a rebel by constantly choosing joy.

2. Root Collective Boots. Holy cow. Guys. These boots are a dream. Fair warning, they aren’t cheap — but they are GORGEOUS. They are also made in small, independent workshops in Guatemala where The Root Collective partners with local business owners to ensure higher-than-fair-trade wages so that they shoemakers can support their families. I have the Blythe Boot in Chestnut — and I love them so much that last year, I had to get them re-heeled (yes, from a cobbler!) because I wore them so so so much.

3. Anything from Preemptive Love Coalition. It’s no secret that Preemptive Love is one of my all-time favorite non-profits. They employ women to make candles, they partner with men who make charcoal soap, and they make their own gear like this super cute (and super soft) Love Anyway sweatshirt. These are great gifts that support incredible people doing their best to survive in war-torn Syria, Iraq, and beyond.

4. Allbirds. They’re FSC Certified and use recycled plastic bottles to make their shoelaces. They’re also the most comfortable shoes ever. I love my Tree Runners, but I’ve got my eye on several more styles, too!

5. All things Patagonia. The brand that will remain on my gift guide forever and always. (When one friend heard I was working on this, he texted me, “Let me guess: 1. Patagonia. 2. Patagonia. 3. Patagonia.”) And my favorite of all favorites? The Better Sweater. Anyone on your list will love this. Trust me.

ACCESSORIES

1. The entire collection from ABLE. I love the ABLE brand — and I love how they employ women around the world. I also LOVE their leather bags. And their jeans. And their jewelry. My newest ABLE purchase was the Selam Crossbody bag last year and it’s become my everyday go-to purse.

2. Scarves from RefuSHE. First, RefuSHE is awesome. They support young women who are living in Kenya as refugees and help them become independent as they heal from trauma. They also make these beautiful hand-dyed scarves — and all of the proceeds go back into their programs!

3. The Shop Forward 4-Things Tote. Here’s how it works: you enter four words/phrases. They print them on a custom tote bag. You give the best gift ever. Best of all, all Shop Forward purchases support non-profit partners around the world — and right now, 4-Word bags support maternity centers in rural Haiti. (For inspiration, my bag says “Iced Coffee. Library Books. City Hike. Family Dinner.” Which is basically my entire heart.)

4. A beautiful leather backpack. Full disclosure: this is the one item on the list I don’t own, exactly. I found my backpack at a small artisan shop in Portugal, but if I hadn’t stumbled upon that perfect little treasure, I definitely would have saved up to buy a bag from Parker Clay. Made in Ethiopia and providing job training to women who would otherwise be working in the sex industry, these bags are BEAUTIFUL and powerful, too.

5. Away luggage. Just ask any podcaster — Away luggage is the best. And it makes an incredible gift for every traveler on your list. I can attest. My little bag has been through a lot — and it’s still going strong.

HOME GOODS

1. Textiles from The Citizenry. The Citizenry partners with artisans around the world. It’s all handmade, it’s all limited edition, and it’s all beautiful. I have the Tierra Rug in my office and it makes me smile every time I see it.

2. Sol Organics Sheets. Is it weird to give sheets as a gift? I don’t know. But I love these percale treasures. (My friend also swears by Brooklinen’s percale sheets. I don’t have those, so I can’t attest…but maybe it’s just the percale that’s amazing? Also, what’s percale?)

3. Casa Flor treasures. They work with artisans in Guatemala and make beautiful, handmade clothing and home goods. My kitchen rug is artisan-made from recycled denim — which is about as on-brand as you can get for me.

4. Bedding and blankets from Parachute. I have the Cloud Cotton Quilt on my guest bed, and honestly, I’m tempted to just sleep there because this blanket is a dream. Parachute goods don’t use chemicals or synthetics, and they also partner with Nothing But Nets to provide malaria-fighting bed nets to people around the world.

5. Art! If you’ve been to my house, you know that I collect art from around the world. It’s a little bit hard to make recommendations here, but there is nothing better than a REAL piece of art. Two of my friends are super talented artists — so if you want a place to start, check out Erickson Creations and Adiel Dominguez Art!

HOME ACCESSORIES

1. A coffee mug from Papillon Marketplace. I bought myself this blue speckled mug from Papillion, a social enterprise in Haiti, when I was visiting Port-au-Prince a few years ago. (Pro tip: Papillon is also a great cafe and place to hang out in PAP. But you should also know that Haiti is facing incredible amounts of unrest right now.) I now use this exact same mug every single morning. Your purchase creates jobs and enables parents to support their own children — plus you get the best mug ever out of the deal.

2. The Adorn Coffee Candle. This small-batch Chicago-based candle company is awesome (and if you’re local, you can find them tomorrow — Saturday, November 30 — at the Made in Chicago Market!). Here’s what you really need to know: the coffee candle is unbeatable. Truly. Every one of my coworkers bought one. We’re obsessed.

3. A Byta Coffee Tumbler. I start my mornings with coffee in my blue Papillon mug, and then I transfer it (and, let’s be honest, add more) to my Hemlock Byta Tumbler. It fits in a cupholder, is super cute, and helps me avoid a few extra plastic cups.

4. Food containers from W&P Designs. When I’m carrying my coffee to work in my Byta, I’ve got my lunch packed in my W&P Porter. Listen, I’m the worst about single-use plastics. I love straws. I am not a great example when it comes to environmental sustainability. So far, my only solve has been to have really really pretty things to use instead of plastic — so that I feel cool and trendy (and hopefully that will help shift my behavior).

5. Candles and lotion from Broken Top Candle Co. I am VERY into candles. The other day, my friend came by and said, “It’s like a candle graveyard over here!” It’s true. I find huge joy in using up an entire candle. And recently, I’ve been loving these soy candles from Broken Top, all made by a dad and daughter duo in Bend, Oregon. My two go-tos: Cranberry Orange and Saguaro Cactus (and let me tell you, the cactus makes a great lotion, too!)

JEWELRY

1. Anything and everything from Into the Pines. This is my favorite local jeweler, and if you see me on any given day, I’m probably wearing something from her collection. (She’ll also be at the Made in Chicago Market on November 30!) This half-moon necklace is one of my favorites.

2. And just about everything from Noonday Collection. If I’m not wearing Into the Pines, then I’m definitely wearing Noonday. All of their treasures are made by artisans around the world — so it’s another great way to do good with your purchases. This is job creation at its finest! My newest addition to my collection? These red fringe Ablaze Earrings.

3. Handmade jewelry from Haiti Design Co. My all-time favorite necklace from Haiti Design is no longer available (so sad!), but they have so many other great options to choose from. Plus, as I mentioned earlier, Haiti is currently in the midst of incredible unrest and economic instability. Your purchases help artisans maintain an income and support their families.

4. Starfish Project jewelry. Starfish employs and empowers exploited women in Asia, and your purchase helps support holistic care programs. I love these turquoise studs!

5. The entire One Strange Bird store. This is for my local Chicago-area friends. My favorite place to find great treasures is One Strange Bird. I want everything in the shop. Always.

BOOKS

Books are always a great gift. And while I am a forever-advocate for the public library, sometimes you just want to add a new book to the collection. In the spirit of good gifts, here are a few things I’ve read this year that have taught me new things and/or broadened my worldview.

1. The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer. I love all of Comer’s books — and this one is critical reading for all of us overworked/over-busy types.

2. Dopesick by Beth Macy. This is an incredibly eye-opening look at the opioid crisis in America.

3. Beginner’s Pluck by Liz Bohannon. First, I love Liz. Second, this book is great for anyone who is chasing dreams, tackling big projects, or trying to figure out what’s next.

4. The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai. This novel about the start of the AIDS crisis in Chicago’s Boystown in the 1980s was hard and powerful and good.

5. It Doesn’t Have to Be Crazy At Work by Jason Fried. Have I mailed this book to multiple people? Yes. Will I continue to do so forever? Also yes. It’s a must-read for anyone who works.

EXPERIENCES

While I love everything on this list, my all-time favorite gifts to give and get are experiences. For the last five years, I’ve only given experiences — everything from concert tickets to flights to classes to city guides. I don’t think it will ever get old!

A few ideas inspired by some great experiences this year:

1. Tickets to Six. This is one of the best shows I’ve seen in a LONG time. It’s about the six wives of King Henry XIII — and inspired by the pop divas of the last few decades. It previewed at the Chicago Shakespeare Theater earlier this year, and now it’s headed to Broadway! It will be in New York starting in February, and it’s going back on tour, too (including coming back to Chicago in summer 2020!). If it’s coming to your city, get tickets. You’re welcome.

2. Tickets to Come From Away. This is my other favorite show of the year…and easily found a spot on my top-shows-of-all-time list. It’s about Gander, Newfoundland — where 38 planes were diverted on September 11. The town rallied together to take care of over 6,000 strangers. I laughed. I cried. It was an IMMEDIATE standing ovation from the entire audience. It’s also coming back to Chicago next year — and is playing both in New York and on tour.

3. Seeing a favorite author live. A few weeks ago, I went to see David Sedaris — and I laughed my face off. If you’ve got readers in your life, see if any of their favorite authors are coming to town. Readings are super fun!

4. Concert tickets. This is an easy go-to — and a great gift for friends and family of all ages. A few artists whose live performances are amazing: Johnnyswim, NEEDTOBREATHE, and Ben Rector. Or try the opera or the ballet. Or Sofar Sounds. Or an old-school jazz club. The options are endless.

5. Learn something new at a class! At the top of my Christmas list this year: cooking classes! I recently went to a cookbook demonstration where I got to learn from super talented chefs — and it was awesome. Now I’m inspired to learn more.

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Ok friends! That’s all I’ve got for now. I encourage everyone to buy smarter, buy less, and buy with impact in mind. Get things that have a story — and then share those stories with others!

What are you excited to give (or get) this year? What’s on your list for Santa? I’d love to hear from you!

My Favorite Books of 2018

I have an ongoing goal to read 50 books a year. Some years, this is more achievable than others. This fall kicked my butt, so I’ve fallen significantly short of my 50-book target—but here’s the great thing about a huge goal: even if you miss it, you still read a lot! So yeah, I won’t hit 50 this year, but I will hit 40. Which is still a big pile of books, if you ask me.

(And a big pile yet to go. I currently have 17 books out from the library. It’s a whole thing. Don’t judge me.)

At the request of several friends, I have pulled together my favorite books of 2018. I tend to read 3 books at a time—one fiction, one nonfiction, and one “Jesus” book—so I have categorized my top choices in the same way.

I have chosen a top 5 for each category and starred my #1 selection. If you want to see my full reading list, you can check it out anytime at allisonkooser.com/books.

**The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah**

Two years ago, one of my favorite books of the year was Hannah’s The Nightengale. She is an amazing storyteller, and this winding story of life on the Alaskan frontier proved that she still has the skills. The story is painful but powerful, and I couldn’t put it down.

Bear Town by Fredrik Backman

I love a good fiction novel. Especially one that captures you in its drama and relationships and moral quandaries. This was one of the first books I read this year, and I’ve recommended it a million times since. It makes you think and wrestle with tough topics—the sign of a powerful fiction read.

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman

Some books stick with me less for their story and more for their mastery of language. Last year, my best example of this was Less by Andrew Greer. This year, Eleanor Oliphant. Honeyman’s mastery of the craft of writing—the structure and words and hidden unraveling of meaning through her story—is seriously impressive.

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

This YA novel is SO GOOD and SO IMPORTANT. It recently was made into a movie, but you know I am always on team book (or at least team book-before-movie). It will rattle you. But in a way that I think we all need to be rattled.

Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi

My last fiction choice of the year is one of my selections from the Opportunity International Book Club (make sure you are signed up for great recommendations each month!). This multi-generational, cross-continental story was fascinating—and made even more relevant by my two trips to Ghana this year! Highly recommend it.

**Factfulness by Hans Rosling**

If you read one book this year, make it Factfulness. A few pages in, my dad looked up and said, “Everyone everywhere needs to read this book.” I agree. Put simply: the world is way WAY better than we think it is. Yes, it’s a book of data. But it’s a funny, compelling, story-based book of data! Just read it. Bill Gates and Obama agree with me (it’s on their “Best of the Year” lists, too!).

Educated by Tara Westover

This is one of those books that shot to the top of every single best-seller list—and for good reason. The story of a woman who grew up to survivalists in Utah, it recounts Tara’s fight for education against her parents’ interests. It’s fascinating and well-written, and it highlights a world I knew literally nothing about.

Everything Happens for a Reason by Kate Bowler

I love memoirs. Basically all of them. But I have a unique soft spot for memoirs by people who have faced incredible challenges, medical or otherwise (see: Girl Interrupted, Brain on Fire, and When Breath Becomes Air—all past years’ favorites). So this story of Kate Bowler’s ongoing fight with cancer was so compelling to me. She is a master storyteller and life live-r.

Rest by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang

Every working creative should read this book. I couldn’t stop talking about it. Moral of the story—the rest that we think is a break from our work is actually part of the work itself. Our brain continues building connections and consolidating information as we sleep, walk, exercise, and socialize. As someone who fights hard for sabbath, this was the reminder I needed that rest really does matter.

The Enneagram in Love and Work by Helen Palmer

Ok, yes, of course I am going to have an Enneagram book on the list. At this point, I roll deep with the Enneagram and I am not ashamed. I’ve made all my work teams figure out their numbers and I stand by my statement that it is the cheapest therapy that money can buy. If you are just getting started, read The Road Back to You. But if you know your stuff, this book by Helen Palmer is EXCELLENT.

Honorable Mention: The Little Book of Hygge by Meik Wiking

This book makes the list because of the concept. I LOVE hygge (loosely translated as “coziness”, but even that isn’t quite right). I’m doing my best to channel as much hygge as I can into my new home this winter!

**Barking to the Choir by Gregory Boyle**

Father Greg Boyle is one of my heroes. His first book, Tattoos on the Heart, is one of my all-time favorites. This one might be even better. This could probably also fall into the “nonfiction” category, but it is inspired by faith so I’m putting it here. Boyle’s work with the “homeboys” in south LA is incredible. His stories are unbeatable. Put simply, read this.

Everybody Always by Bob Goff

Next up on my list of heroes: Bob Goff. The concepts are simple, yet life-changing. Love everyone. All the time. That’s it. Easier said than done. Bob’s life is an inspiration to me as I seek to follow God and live boldly. His ability to love people with action is unmatched—and a challenge for me to constantly push myself to love bigger.

Telling the Truth: The Gospel as Comedy, Tragedy, and Fairy Tale by Frederick Buechner

I have a few people from whom I always, always take book recommendations. My friend Andy is one of those people. I always love what he suggests, and this classic by Buechner was no exception. Story structure and the Bible? Yes, please!

Sabbath as Resistance by Walter Bruggemann

My rest days are critical to my wellbeing, so it’s no surprise that a book about sabbath made it to the top of my list. I need near-constant reminders to rest and slow down—but what I love about this book is that it makes rest itself seem active. It’s important for all of us that are overworked and accomplishment-driven.

Assimilate or Go Home by DL Mayfield

Anyone who works in “do-gooder” “save-the-world” professions needs to read this book. It will mess you up. Be forewarned. But I think it will also make you better. I’ve been reading a lot about “failed” missionaries—deconstructing the cross-cultural behaviors I once knew and replacing them with something I hope is a little more educated, respectful, and relationship-based—but I still have so much to learn!

Ok, that’s what I’ve got for this year. Remember to check out the full, ongoing list at koosertravels.com/books!

Now it’s your turn! What books did you love? What books can you not wait to read? Let me know in the comments. I’m building my 2019 list now and would love to check out some of your favorites!

The Grateful List: 17 Thing I’m Thankful For In 2017

Earlier this summer, I was struck by a phrase—Bible-inspired, of course, but relevant. Current. It stuck in my head, and months later, I still can’t stop thinking about it:

Life abundant. 

Life that is full and rich and overflowing. Life that is seeping out of the cracks; uncontainable. Abundant adventure, joy, grace, generosity, love, peace, patience…abundant life itself.

If you followed along my journey in 2016, you might remember that one of my greatest lessons was the connection between gratitude and joy. Put simply, if you want more joy, practice more gratitude. I’m as convinced of that as ever.

And if you carry that thought out, I think that gratitude is a great starting point for a life of abundance, too. So this year, as we wrap up 2017—a year that has been described (perhaps accurately) as a dumpster fire—I’m taking the time to say thank you. To choose life abundant in spite of the disasters that are all around. To remember 17 things that I am deeply grateful for in 2017.

Of course, there are the obvious things: my accountant, for one, who saved me last April when I had deductions in eight currencies. The chance to see Hamilton. Starbucks gold status. I’m grateful for it all. This list could be hundreds long if I stopped to think for a bit longer. This is just a start—but it’s an important first step. An exercise in the attitude of gratitude that I believe in now more than ever.

This year, I’m grateful for….

1. BROTHERS WHO FALL IN LOVE WITH AMAZING GIRLS 

I have a tribe of male friends who are my pseudo-brothers. They antagonize me and love me and challenge me and make me better—and over the past few years, they have begun to meet their people. And when my “brothers” find their soulmates, it means more sisters for me!

This year, three of my closest bros got engaged and/or married to the best girls.

Kyle and Danielle got engaged last December, and then married in June—the ultimate dance party celebration.

JP and Marly got engaged in March, and then married in November—and celebrating my oldest, dearest twin-brother-friend was one of the highlights of my entire year.

Ian and Jess got engaged in March, and then asked me to officiate their wedding—one of the biggest honors of my life. I CANNOT wait to help my favorite little family make it official later this year.

2. TRIPS THAT RESET YOUR PERSPECTIVE 

In March, I went to Haiti. Honestly, it just sort of happened. I showed up, reached out, and met incredible people who have forever-changed my view on the world.

Haiti undid me, as the best places do. I met TB/HIV patients, young adults aging out of orphanages, and so many amazing organization leaders who are challenging the status quo of aid in a country where NGOs have often done more harm than good. Each interaction left me grasping for understanding, shaking up everything I thought I knew and forcing me to put the pieces back together again.

In July, I had the huge honor of taking 60 high school students to Costa Rica. Somewhere between the terrifying drives up and down the mountain, shoveling literally endless dirt, and preaching two sermons, I fell in love. With the place—yes. With the people—yes. But most of all with the way my life looks when I travel with Son Servants. What a gift to be reminded of a sacred—and right—rhythm of life.

3. THE CHANCE TO CELEBRATE PEOPLE

If you know anything about me, you know that one of my all-time favorite life activities is celebrating people. This year brought so many opportunities to cheer loudly and throw parties and make sure my people know just how special they are. Of course, birthdays. And all the weddings: Kyle and Danielle’s, Dave and Sarah’s, Amy and Adiel’s, JP and Marly’s. But also the other stuff. The small stuff. The new stuff. The crazy stuff. A few big ones:

Celebrating my crazy sister running a 50 MILE ULTRAMARATHON in Maine in May. Ellie and I went full cheerleader-mode and screamed at the top of our lungs, even though we were the ONLY people with signs (apparently not a thing for distance trail running?? who knew?!)

Later in the year, Julia ran the Chicago marathon and I chased her around the west side cheering her on. If you’ve never been a spectator at the marathon, I HIGHLY encourage it.

The day before the marathon, I raced home from Atlanta so that I could celebrate and send off my dear friends, Cooper and Jess, on their cross-country move to Los Angeles. And getting to reconnect with my bros to play old-school video games was the icing on the cake.

We celebrated bride-to-be Marly with a Chicago shower and bachelorette party this fall, before her VERY fun wedding in Cali in November.

In the summer we threw a big pizza party for my homegirl, Alexis, celebrating her start of nursing school—and the boldness it takes to leave a good job to pursue a dream.

The biggest celebration of the year was welcoming the first baby to the squad. Gabriel Francis Emerson entered the world in July, and the God Squad will never be the same. Brad and Terah are (unsurprisingly) amazing parents, and it has been so fun to celebrate their new addition to their family.

4. MEETING INCREDIBLE ORGANIZATIONS

One of my goals for 2017 was to remain self-employed—and I did it! Thanks to the launch of my company (Swell+Good) at the end of February, I was able to visit so many incredible organizations in Chicago and around the world.

If you are looking for a few to check out locally, I suggest Breakthrough Urban Ministries, I Grow Chicago, New Moms, Purple Asparagus, and Circle Urban Ministries.

5. WORKING WITH MY BEST FRIEND

You may remember that I (attempted) to quit my job at Opportunity International in December 2015. You may also remember that they hired me back on contract as a freelance correspondent in August 2016 (when I traveled to Colombia, Mozambique, Malawi, Rwanda, Uganda, Tanzania, and India on their behalf).

What you may also know is that all year, I’ve been back at it with Opportunity—still on contract so that I have the freedom to work with some of the smaller organizations I have come to know and love, but back at it nonetheless.

And really, I keep sticking around because of one thing:

My team is the best team. 

And my “boss” is my best pal. 

Sure, the work is valuable and important—my rule still stands that I’ll only work for organizations to which I’ll willingly give my money. But Opportunity has my heart because I get to work with people who are my real-life friends.

Case in point: in October, they trusted me to produce the Summit—which became one of the largest professional accomplishments of my life. Getting to work on this monster of a project alongside such a remarkable squad made the whole thing not only possible, but fun.

Basically, had Ian not been my partner in crime on the event, I could not (and would not) have finished it.

And had Katie, Laura, Carly, Jim, Heather, Diane, Lydia, Shane, and everyone else not stepped up to keep me looking like a functioning human, the whole thing would have failed.

If you find yourself working with your professional soulmates, my expert opinion is that you should stick with them 

6. MY BACKYARD

I am so wildly grateful to have a backyard. It is arguably my favorite part about living in my house—and certainly my favorite part about living in the suburbs.

This year, the backyard got plenty of use (as it often does). The Blue Table acquired a boatload of new signatures thanks to a series of backyard celebrations.

We hosted Baby Gabriel’s baby shower in June (blue themed, so the table fit in perfectly!)

Around the same time, I hosted a party for my parents and their friends. This was such a special celebration—honoring my folks and their impending move back to the states, but also being able to gather and thank the many adults who have been in my life from the beginning. I will never stop being grateful for the tribe of friends my parents built, and how that tribe has shaped my own.

At the end of the summer, master chef RJ hosted a low country boil in the backyard. We threw some butcher paper on the table and dumped out a pile of shrimp, corn, potatoes, and sausage. I am VERY hopeful that this will become an annual affair.

This fall, I hosted Heather’s BBQ with the Opportunity team. It was so fun to hang with my colleagues outside of work, and to have their children run around the yard. Again, real-life work friends, cannot recommend this highly enough.

7. ICED COFFEE

Shockingly (and counter to any and all archetypes of my personality), I didn’t start drinking coffee until my RTW trip. And even then, coffee was mainly a vehicle for ice. But one thing that has always been high on my priority list is a good coffee shop.

So when I entered 2017 as a full-time freelancer, coffee shops became my office of choice. I have spent much of the year working from a series of great coffee shops around Chicago and in cities throughout the US. In the process, I have developed a bit of an addiction to iced coffee. Whoops!

So here’s a question for you, dear readers—would you be interested in a lineup of my favorite coffee shops? Let me know!

8. SPACE TO BREATHE

Something I have learned about myself: escaping (and particularly escaping outside) is CRITICAL for my wellbeing. I set a goal to travel every month this year (check), and while this is adventure-fueled, it is also sanity-fueled. I simply need to get away, get outside, and breathe pretty regularly.

This year, breathing space meant our annual winter trip to the Erickson’s lake house in Michigan.

A day playing hooky at the Morton Arboretum.

Adventuring through the snow at Timber-Lee with the high schoolers, getting lost on the cross country ski paths and attempting not to freeze.

The gift of Winnetka—playing at the lake with my best pals.

Apple picking at the Apple Holler—the very best fall activity.

And returning to Michigan for a chill weekend with my best friends’ parents/my parents’ best friends. Love hanging with the grown-ups for the weekend 

These moments of sun and snow and water are good—and necessary—for my soul.

9. LEARNING AND TEACHING 

We all know I’m a forever-student. There is little I love more than learning new things, and this year was no exception.

In October, I took a solo road trip to Atlanta to attend the Catalyst conference because several of the people I admire most in the world were scheduled to be speaking. I’ve often heard it said that if you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room. So all year, I’ve been focused on putting myself in rooms where I am decidedly NOT the smartest—not even close. Catalyst was that for me. Honestly worth the trip just to hear Jeremy Courtney talk for 20 minutes.

I also took a “class” called Bible Geeks taught by my friend Ryan. While my travel schedule caused me to miss a few sessions, it was a great addition to my fall—getting to dive deep (and I mean DEEP) into the covenants of the Bible. Looking forward to another semester this spring!

And of course, one of my greatest sources of learning is my weekly trivia game. Crazily, we’ve been playing at the same bar for 6 years—and our team has really hit its stride. We were able to compete in the Tournament of Champions this summer, and my work friends recently made their own team in a (so far unsuccessful) attempt to beat us.

In addition to my learning, I also got back to teaching this year after a year+ break. Beginning this fall, I have been teaching my favorite 8 and 12 year olds Spanish, and it has been SO fun!

10. WALKING 

I am grateful for legs that can carry me for miles—allowing me to traipse around my favorite cities exploring on foot. As weird as it sounds, walking is one of my favorite life activities.

City Hike continued this year (albeit sporadically), and we were able to check out new neighborhoods around Chicago with our ever-growing tribe of hikers.

Shannon and I also did a modified City Hike in NYC in September—nothing official, but both of us get a little carried away with the walking when we are in the Big Apple.

And for my birthday, my friends threw me an “Urban Trek” (careful not to steal the City Hike name). The added bonus of this celebration was that I had to answer trivia questions to get from place to place—SO FUN!

11. FRIENDS WHO INVITE ME INTO THEIR BIG IDEAS 

Above all else, I am grateful for the people God has put in my life. They are wise and funny and often-ridiculous, and when I get really lucky, they invite me into their big ideas. There is little that brings me more joy than getting to come along on their adventures.

This year, my friend Amy invited Ian and me back to Chiquila, Mexico to teach rockstar students about marketing. We created the Vuela Libre marketing agency, and the kids learned all about messaging, social media, and carrying out a pitch. The best part was “billing” our coffee-shop client (another group of students taught by our real-life coffee-shop-owning friends Matt and Courtney). Hilarious.

Later this fall, my friend Steve invited me into his big idea: a week-long adventure in San Diego. Clearly, I immediately said yes and we got to work renting a house, loading up on surf boards, and getting ready for a week of sun in Cali. A few other friends joined in the fun, too, and we had the BEST week relaxing, surfing, and chilling in SD.

12. A FUNCTIONING BODY THAT LETS ME TRY NEW THINGS

Compared to some people I know (my sister, ahem), I am not in great shape. My shins hate me when I run, and I’ve been pretty lame on keeping up with my pilates (I’m going back to it! I promise!). That said, I am GRATEFUL for a body that is still putting up with me. It may not be suited for 50 mile runs, but it can do things—and that is really what counts.

This year, I tried a few new physical endeavors that proved to be hard, fun, sometimes-embarrassing, and always entertaining.

Julia and I attempted air fitness, which, let me tell you, is IMPOSSIBLE. We had a great time, despite being horrible at it—and laughed a lot.

In California, we spent the mornings surfing…including one morning when the waves were CRAZY and we definitely should not have been out there. I have secret dreams of being a legit surfer, but let’s just say that we are far far far away from this goal.

My biggest physical challenge of the year was joining the Lincoln Park Boat Club for the summer to learn to row. I LOVED this and had so much fun being in a boat three days a week. If it was closer to home, I would for SURE join permanently.

13. THE HONOR OF LISTENING TO PEOPLES’ STORIES

The best part of my job in 2016 was conducting over 500 interviews for Opportunity International. In 2017, I was able to continue with this role on behalf of Opportunity Canada. It is my great honor to sit across from women and men and listen to them share their stories. The people I have met are hilarious and amazing and inspiring. They are overcoming unimaginable circumstances, and I get to share their lives with the world.

I traveled to Nicaragua directly from Haiti, returning to a country that stole my heart nearly a decade ago. I rode around the mountains in the back of a pickup truck, meeting Opportunity clients and rekindling my love for this awesome place. I also got to stay in a DREAM of a guesthouse—straight out of a fairytale!

From Nicaragua, I traveled to Honduras—a new country for me!—where I proceeded to interview more women and write up their stories on behalf of Opportunity Canada. Literal JOY.

14. BOOKS! 

Books are at the top of my list of physical things—I’m drowning in them and I love it.

For the first time in many years, I actually hit my goal of #50books this year! Hooray! Check out my list, and let me know if you have things I should add!

15. MY FAMILY ALL BEING IN THE SAME COUNTRY 

Not much more to say besides—hooray!—my whole family is back in the USA! Mom and Dad ended their time in Asia and are back in Chicago, living in a sweet apartment that I plan to borrow when they are out of town 

16. ADVENTURE WEEKENDS (AND WEEKS!) 

For years, I have advocated for adventure weekends. Short trips to explore and eat and have fun. Often, they are road trips. Often, I bring along friends or sisters. Always, they are my favorite.

This year, I had an AWESOME adventure weekend in Baltimore for my 5-year business school reunion. How 5 years have gone by is beyond me, but here we are. It was so great to reconnect with my friends from around the world, and to see how trendy and fancy Baltimore has become.

For Ellie’s birthday, Alexis, Ellie, and I took a brown-sign adventure to Madison, Wisconsin. We checked out Bessie the Cow, got Chipotle to give us free birthday tacos, visited House on the Rock, went on a tour of caves, and hung out in a troll town.

I had two adventures to Maine and New Hampshire—to help Shan move and then again for her race. Both times, we got Holy Donut and Maine Squeeze (my faves), I read in the Harry Potter room in the Dartmouth Library, and we went to alllll the lighthouses. Shan is forever my fave adventure buddy.

In the fall, Ian, Jess, and I had a very quick adventure to Connecticut to see Amy and Adiel get married. In addition to a BEAUTIFUL, incredible wedding, Team Haislee and I went to Source Coffeehouse, ate at a super cute little cafe, went to the beach, and wandered a town that is basically Stars Hollow.

Like every fall, I spent a weekend in Chattanooga for Planning Team with Son Servants. This year, the trip included whiskey tasting, Mexican food, and a cute new coffee shop, in addition to the regular joy of fall and friends in Tennessee.

My last adventure weekend was actually a week long—a solo road trip to Louisville, Nashville, and Atlanta. I got to hang with my grandma, aunts and uncles, and cousins in Louisville. I stayed with Allix and got to hang out with Sam and Haley in Nashville—which is one of my all time favorite adventure cities (check out my city guide!). And I got to see Jake, Claire, Sean, and Becca in Atlanta. I consumed buckets of coffee, ate amazing food, and listened to all the podcasts on my long car journey.

17. HOME 

Entering 2017, I was so nervous about my transition. Coming off of a year of adventure, I had no idea what a season at home would look like. But despite many things that were hard, this year was largely a gift. I got to build some steadiness—with a healthy dose of continued adventure sprinkled in.

Top of the list of the beautiful things at home: my bed. It’s the best. Full stop.

I have my kitchen back, which means cooking and baking and a fridge organized the way that I like it.

I’m back at First Pres, and have gotten even more involved with the band. Playing music each week with these super talented musicians has been such a gift of my year.

And of course, my people. The best part of being home, by far. You all make this whole crazy life adventure the party that it is. I am IMMEASURABLY grateful for each of you.

Basically this (very long) list proves one thing. I’m thankful. Very very thankful. Despite all the challenges that come my way, I have an abundant life. My prayer is that I never lose sight of that—that I continue to live into this purpose and joy and abundance and gratitude.

Let’s do this, 2018!

2017 Christmas Gift Guide (aka how to do all of your shopping from your couch)

If you’re anything like me, the idea of going to a mall in December is enough to induce immediate hives. No thank you. I’m over it.

Lucky for us, we live in the digital age, which means it’s possible to do all of your last minute Christmas shopping from the comfort of your couch. And I’m here to give you some last-minute ideas for the tricky people on your list!

Before we get to the suggestions, a few gift-giving caveats:

1. I LOVE giving gifts. I am particular and annoying and spend WAY too long thinking of the perfect thing based on the recipient’s random offhanded comment from eight months ago. (I know. I’m fun. And not frustrating at all.) But you and I both know that sometimes you just need to get something cool and SIMPLE and be done with it. That’s where this list comes in. Order, feel good about your purchase, and MOVE ON.

2. About 6 years ago, I made the switch to giving basically all experiences. Everyone I know has everything they want or need, so I started building adventures for my friends and family. There are a couple of experience ideas on this list, but I would LOVE to talk to you more about experience-giving strategies. I’ve given concerts, musicals, cirque shows, adventure weekends, nights in hotels…even a couple of plane tickets. And it is the MOST FUN. Send me a note if you’re looking for ideas!

3. This is actually just a list of some of my favorite things. I own every item on this list, and I’m not the kind of blogger who has enough of an audience to have companies pay me to endorse their products (but I could be! Hi, companies! I’m waiting for you!). But as it currently stands, these are things that I use basically daily. Products that make my life better or easier or more beautiful or more fun.

4. This is not my first gift guide! I did a compilation of AWESOME products this spring, and have chosen to NOT feature those same brands here—not because my love for them has lessened at all (trust me, if anything I am more obsessed with those social enterprises now than I was then…just take all my money, FashionABLE), but because I figured you all could use new ideas AND you could click on through to read the other list, too. Double the suggestions! Hooray!

So with that, my 2017 gift guide! (And be sure to check out my Spring giving guide, too!)

FOR THE WORKAHOLIC WHO SPENDS 15 HOURS A DAY IN FRONT OF A COMPUTER SCREEN…

FELIX GRAY GLASSES

Here’s the summary: I love these glasses. They aren’t prescription, but they are legit. They remove blue light from your computer screen so that all that typing all day long doesn’t destroy your eyeballs. And for someone like me who regularly spends 15 hours a day looking at my devices, I know I need all the eyeball-saving I can get. I’ve personally noticed fewer headaches and less tired eyes…which is all the evidence I need!

FOR THE CANDLE-LOVER…

PADDYWAX ROSE GOLD WASSAIL CANDLE

I am VERY particular about holiday candles. So last year, when I was returning to the United States after 11 months of summer, all I wanted was that smelled like Christmas. I searched high and low until I found what I consider to be an ideal holiday candle. I love it so much that I did something crazy—burned through an ENTIRE candle in one season. For real. I killed the candle. So know what I did? Bought the exact same one again this year.

FOR THE ASPIRING LIBRARIAN (AKA THE PERSON WHO WANTS A REASON TO HAVE ELBOW PATCHES)…

THE SHANNON TOP FROM NELLIE TAFT 

I am a brand-new customer of Nellie Taft, and I love them already. In my search to buy ethically, I have stumbled upon a number of excellent American-made brands like this one—and all the better that it’s a cool woman-owned small business! PLUS, they make this adorable sweater with ELBOW PATCHES. You guys. All my librarian dreams are coming true. The sweater is soft and comfortable and cute—win win win. And the rest of their collection is pretty great, too, so check it out!

FOR THE PERSON WHO IS SHOE-OBSESSED…

TOMS LEILA BOOTIES

I bought these shoes as a gift to myself for surviving the Summit, and have worn them every day since. My sister bought them. And a girl from church who saw me wearing them. And this other random person at my friend’s wedding. Needless to say, they are adorable. But beyond that, they are COMFORTABLE. Like, able to wear them all day at the office and through my hour+ walking commute each day.

FOR THE FREQUENT FLYER…

AWAY LUGGAGE

I bought myself an Away carry on this fall after being completely suckered by wildly effective marketing and product promotion. All of a sudden, all of my favorite bloggers and social media personalities were using Away bags, so clearly I had to have one too. But besides having a stellar marketing team, Away has another big plus: really really great products. This bag is lightweight, easy to maneuver, and can even charge your phone!

FOR THE MUSICAL THEATER LOVER…

WICKED TOUR TICKETS

Ok, yes, OBVIOUSLY if you can acquire Hamilton or Dear Evan Hansen tickets without declaring bankruptcy, do that. BUT, if you are a normal person with a normal budget, I have an excellent backup plan for you. While Wicked has been around for years and you probably saw it a decade ago, you haven’t seen it in this iteration. Right now, as we speak, my dear friend Ginna Claire is on tour as Glinda—and it’s a role she was born to play. Next up on the tour: Chicago, Memphis, and Nashville. So get your tickets now!

FOR THE EXPLORER…

AN ADVENTURE WEEKEND IN NASHVILLE

If you know anything about my gift-giving practices, you know that I almost always give experiences. And one of my FAVORITE thing to give is an Adventure Weekend. I’ve given flights and road trips and all sorts of travel-y goodness, and they are my favorite gifts to deliver. Another favorite of mine? Nashville. So I put together my first (hopefully of many?) City Guide to share my favorite Nashville spots with the world. Lend someone your car for a weekend. Buy a plane ticket. Send them on their way to an adventure—or better yet, go with them!

FOR THE FOREVER-STUDENT…

HERSCHEL RETREAT BACKPACK 

I’ve been carrying the same Herschel backpack for years, and it’s a total classic. It’s big enough to fit all my stuff, has a designated section for my computer, and is always cute. And now they make the same bag in this cute chambray fabric, so an already-great piece has become even better. This makes a great gift for a student/worker bee/anyone who needs a good bag for a long commute. Plus, it’s GREAT for flights.

FOR THE WANNABE-HIKER (OR REAL HIKER)…

PATAGONIA BETTER SWEATER

I only carried one jacket on my entire trip, and it was my Patagonia Better Sweater. It is the BEST. Comfy, cute, and classic. And this week, Patagonia demonstrated yet again its values as a company by defending Bears Ears—all the added motivation you need to become brand allegiant and buy yourself a Patagonia sweater to get you through this winter.

FOR THE FRONT-YARD-SITTER…

ENO HAMMOCK

When the weather is nice, I spend a LOT of time sitting in my front yard. I string up my hammock between two trees, read a book, and chat with my neighbors as they walk by. I am a big believer in front yard sitting, and my Eno makes it so easy. Enos also pack up into a little pouch—perfect for travel or for tossing into your bag when you’re headed out for the weekend.

FOR THE PERSON WHO IS ALWAYS ON-TREND…

WARBY PARKER SUNGLASSES

I bought myself Warby Parker sunglasses for my birthday because I am a wannabe hipster. But here’s the deal—they are actually great. Yes, they’re trendy. But they are trendy for a reason. They are nice and stylish and their customer service is unbeatable. If I had prescription glasses, I would go back to Warby Parker in a heartbeat.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, FOR THE READERS ON YOUR LIST…

Reading is my favorite hobby. I own way WAY too many books, and I give way WAY too many books as gifts. I’ve got a list a mile long, but these are a few of the reads I’ve really enjoyed this year.

Favorite nonfiction I read this year:

The Road Back to You

It’s What I Do

Hillbilly Elegy

When Breath Becomes Air

Tribe

Favorite fiction novels I read this year:

Before We Were Yours

The Name of the Wind

Less

Touch

The Royal We

Favorite Jesus books I read this year:

The Broken Way

Prayer

Sit Walk Stand

Of Mess and Moxie

The Sacred Enneagram

That’s all I got, friends. Happy shopping, and most importantly, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

What are you best gift ideas this year?

Human Rights Day

Today is Human Rights Day.

One of those UN Holidays that is super relevant if you are a copywriter for a large international nonprofit organization, but probably completely off your radar if you are not.

There are many of these days, these minor holidays, that go by unnoticed by the vast majority of everyone, taking their too-long names and bulky “celebrations” of hard, huge policy drivers with them (International Day of the Girl Child, anyone?).

Yet Human Rights Day feels relevant.

It feels important.

Yes, of course, because of the “rights” part. We need to keep fighting for those, even when the fight feels hard or downright impossible. We are in desperate need of freedom and dignity and justice.

Take a minute to read through the Universal Declaration of Human Rights—the document drafted by a global council of UN representatives 70 years ago today. These are the metrics. These are the end goals. These are the reminders that we aren’t there yet—not even close.

The Declaration outlines the rights that we should all hold—and today, in 2017, 70 years after its authoring, is more relevant than ever.

But this Human Rights Day, I’m thinking of the other part of the title.

The “human” part.

Because I think that is where we fell apart.

We have lost sight our shared humanity. We have forgotten the very core truth that at the end of the day, a human is a human, regardless of anything else.

Instead of addressing everyone as a fellow human, we immediately look for characteristics to distinguish their experiences from our own—to have something upon which to peg our guttural need for us/them.

They speak a different language.

They live in a different neighborhood.

They practice a different religion.

They have less money.

They have more money.

They eat different foods or attended different schools or look different than I do. They celebrate different holidays or wear different clothes. They voted for the other candidate.

We are not the same.

Nor should we be. There is beauty in our diverse experiences—our varied ways of experiencing and interacting with the world. And we grow by learning from those whose lives look different from our own.

But what would happen if, before we got to all the ways we are unique, we started from the place that we are similar? What if we started from our human-ness?

What if we addressed everyone—even those whose beliefs and practices and behaviors run so wildly, fundamentally opposite to our own—as humans first?

What if we looked people in the eye, pursued conversation, and asked questions? What if we sought to understand instead of convict, pursued empathy instead of being right?

What if, in order to address and achieve universal rights, we must first address and achieve universal human-ness? 

I don’t know if this is the answer, but I do know that it is a place that I can start. I can treat strangers as neighbors and neighbors as friends. I can smile and say hello and fight against my instincts to avoid, ignore, and judge.

I can recognize my own humanity, and then seek that same core human-ness in everyone else. Even in those with whom I disagree. Especially in those with whom I disagree.

It’s hard and it’s unnatural, but I am more and more convinced that it is good and right.

And this Human Rights Day is the reminder I need that something good and right is worth fighting for.

The Secret Rhythm of a Fulfilling Life

For years, I’ve been traveling the world with a little organization called Son Servants. My trip with them to Reynosa, Mexico when I was 16 years old sparked my lifelong love of the developing world, and since then, I’ve done everything in my power to go on a trip with them at least once a summer.

I love Son Servants trips because they are fun and hilarious and hard and beautiful. I love them because my Son Servants team is a family, and every summer is like a family reunion. And I love that they introduce me to new people and new places and new experiences—every one of which has transformed my life for the better.

But a couple of weeks ago in Costa Rica, I realized the thing I might love most of all about these trips:

They force me into the very best rhythm of life. 

Son Servants trips are not vacations. They are hard hard work, and they are exhausting. Taking 60 high schoolers to a Latin American country is a tiny bit stressful, to say the least. But on these trips, life is right.

I feel like I am living in the way we are designed to live. 

Each trip is defined by the same four practices, on repeat, every day.

Everything else is removed. The technology and due dates and drama and herding cats that define my typical work day are gone, and I’m left with the very building blocks of a beautiful, flourishing life.

Worship, Work, Play, Rest. 

Repeat.

All day every day.

And if I’m honest, leaving this rhythm for “regular” life is rough, because this rhythm is good.

And more than that, I’m coming to understand more and more that this rhythm is right.

Worship 

Days start with longgg quiet times. Prayer and praise and just sitting with Jesus. A practice that I intend to replicate in its fullness and entirety at home, but never ever do.

Somehow an hour of quiet time feels completely feasible in Costa Rica, and completely impossible in Chicago.

But starting your day in a posture of gratitude and reflection and worship sets the tone for everything else. It transforms every interaction and thought that comes after it.

It’s a secret weapon.

Later in the day, we return to worship—corporately this time—to sing and celebrate and share. And this is good too. So so good. So so right. Asking God to show himself in the morning, and then recognizing how he has at night.

Yes and amen.

Work

I sometimes think that the life I want is one of total relaxation and rest, but it’s not. A good, full, flourishing life includes work. Work that influences lives and exhausts not just the mind, but the body too. Work that builds the kingdom, even if only a little bit.

All day long, we work.

We repair houses and paint churches and teach 12 year olds to use power tools. We tire and sweat and ache, but end the day feeling fulfilled. Like we have accomplished something—because we have.

On my first few trips to Reynosa, we poured concrete roofs, literally flinging buckets of concrete up makeshift scaffolding all. day. long. It was 110 degrees and we shoveled and lifted for 7 hours a day. I have never sweat so much in my life.

And I have never been so happy.

I was so certain that what I was doing was making a tiny, but important difference. We were finishing homes so that families would have a place to live. We were using our bodies and minds for something bigger than ourselves.

This is work that matters.

Play

Surround yourself with dozens of students, and you can’t avoid at least a little bit of playtime.

In Costa Rica, it looked like constant imaginary blow darts and very intense games of Egyptian Rat Slap. It meant a very big, very crazy dance party that nearly broke the floor.

Play, as it it turns out, matters a lot.

And I am grateful to spend so much time with teenagers because they remind me how to play well, when so many adults seem to have forgotten.

I was on a date recently and I asked the guy what he liked to do, how he liked to spend his time.

He couldn’t answer.

He literally couldn’t think of anything besides work.

Needless to say, we didn’t go out again.

Because play matters. Connecting with one another matters. Laughing matters.

Plus, it’s a whole lot of fun.

Rest

The final element of a Son Servants day is rest, and this looks like a lot of different things.

A break from your cell phone.

Crashing into your bunk at 10:00pm, physically exhausted and ready to sleep hard and fast and well.

Laying down the stress and drama and pain that has been weighing you down, and getting a tiny taste of freedom.

Breathing a little bit deeper.

The song I sing to myself more than any other is an random Indelible Grace hymn—a song that I don’t even particularly like, but one that has a line that I repeat constantly: “Jesus I am resting resting, in the joy of what thou art, I am finding out the greatness of thy loving heart.”

That is my hope and prayer. And it’s what I experience while traveling more than just about anything else.

In a day full full full of responsibilities and hard work, I find rest. Real rest. Soul rest.

And it gives me energy and joy beyond measure.

---

I’m back home now, and unsurprisingly have fallen away from this perfect routine.

My house is a mess, I’m spending long hours on a contract, and I haven’t written a blog post in more than a month.

But all is not lost.

I’m remembering.

I’m allowing Costa Rica to change me, even a little bit. And tomorrow when I leave for Mexico, I’ll let that change me, too.

The trips are not the solution, but they are the reminder. The tiny glimpse of the way life should be, and the challenge to incorporate a little bit more of this rhythm every time I return home.

Worship, work, play, rest.

Repeat.

What My Church Means To Me

As part of a series my church is doing this summer, I was invited to share my thoughts about what First Presbyterian Church of River Forest means to me. It’s the church where I was born, and the church that I still attend. This is what I said:

As many of you may know, I spent last year living out a lifelong dream and backpacking around the world. I visited 37 countries, tasted crazy foods, climbed terrifying mountains, and partnered with incredible organizations transforming the lives of those living in extreme poverty. In every way, it was a dream come true.

When I decided to leave, people asked me why and how, and the answers were easy:

1. God told me to

2. I was deeply rooted in a home and a family

I wasn’t afraid to leave because I wasn’t floundering—I was firmly planted in a community that was ready to send me out, and would be ready to welcome me back when it was time for me to return.

And that community was largely created by this church.

The simplest way for me to describe what First Pres means to me is this: First Pres River Forest is my home and my family.

It’s the women who threw a joint baby shower for Jane Erickson and my mom right there in the social hall in the summer of 1988—welcoming me to the world and to this big church family before I even existed.

It’s Chris Hibbert who taught my 2s and 3s class, and Sandy McAdam who led elementary Sunday School—teaching me the books of the Bible in song form, which is still the only way I can recite them.

It’s the place I spent every Thursday afternoon with Ms. Jane and the Alleluia Singers. This church is where I learned to sing, and now, 20 years later, where I get to stand on this stage again leading worship on Sunday mornings.

First Pres is where I army crawled under these very pews, escaping Terry Studer with a Flashlight during Kids Night, and spent every Tuesday night at Breakout.

It’s the extra sets of parents at every turn: John and Jane Erickson, Jill and Steve Smith…people who are looking out for me and taking care of me, even when my own parents are far away—even now that I’m a grown up.

It’s going to get bagels every Sunday after the service for the last 18 years.

It’s Kevin Murphy who taught my 5th and 6th grade class, where my fellow middle schoolers and I brainstormed with Susie Kovic to create the program now known as Ready Set Go.

It’s the first iterations of youth group—the days before JAM and DMI. It’s Jekyll Island and Reynosa, Mexico. Inventing TN.

I was baptized from that fount, confirmed on these steps, and gave my first sermon from this pulpit.

Perhaps most importantly, this church gave me my people—my tribe of very best friends, who I love more than just about anything. We have lived sorrow and joy in this church—we have lived our lives.

We had Scott’s funeral here in this very sanctuary in 2012, but the church is also where we had Mike and Melanie’s wedding shower and Big Steve’s graduation party and, just last weekend, Kyle’s bachelor party.

This church hired me—trusting me to lead your children, and giving me one of the greatest honors of my life: befriending the remarkable high school students who also call this place home. Knowing, serving and loving them as a youth volunteer, and then youth director, and then youth volunteer again when Marc and Vanessa arrived has been one of my biggest joys. This church mentored me, and then set me loose to mentor Valerie, Anna, and Faith.

I could keep going and going…I look around this room and have stories and memories of each one of you. Because as we all know, the church isn’t a building—it’s us. It’s this incredible collection of people who willingly come together to form a lifelong community.

When I first moved back to River Forest, everyone told me that I should find another church. That there weren’t many of my peers here. That if I wanted to meet a guy, I should probably attend somewhere else.

And you know what? They’re right.

This church isn’t perfect. We have had more than our fair share of challenges in recent years—and it isn’t always easy to be a single 20-something in this community.

But I’m still here for the same two reasons I left:

1. Because God told me to

2. Because I’m deeply rooted in a home and a family

And here’s the thing about a home, a family. We take care of it.

When it needs something, we step up and make it happen—because it’s ours. Because we belong to it and it belong to us—it is us.

When it comes to giving, it’s the same two things again. We give because:

1. God tells us to

2. We are deeply rooted in this home and this family

When we support the church, the church is able to support us. All of these programs and activities and services—the things that shaped my childhood and now are shaping my adulthood—they are made possible because of the generosity of the people in this room. When you give, you are taking care of our home and investing in our family. You are making it possible for another little kid to know that Jesus loves her, and then equipping her with the knowledge and encouragement to go out and follow her call to change the world.

I don’t have adequate words for how grateful I am for this church’s influence in my life—all I can say is thank you. Thank you for raising me, teaching me, walking with me, and showing me Jesus. Thank you for sending me out and welcoming me back, for giving me the courage to both leave and return.

Thank you for being my home. Thank you for being my family.

My Summer Goals

We all know I’m a sucker for a good goal. Or ten. Or thirty.

And while I’m still committed to my 2017 goals (and am doing a pretty dang good job keeping up with them, if I do say so myself!), this switch to summer has got me excited about new plans and projects.

Couple that with my eagerness to finally start DOING things again after a six month hiatus post-trip (ok, yes, I realize Allison not doing anything includes launching a company, spending a month abroad, and being generally active, but I made a conscious choice to make very very few commitments when I returned from the trip. The only thing I agreed to do every week was play trivia because DUH.), and here we are.

Summer goals. 

If you don’t know my goal philosophy yet, here are the basics:

1. Pick things you are excited about. This is why everyone fails at “lose 10 pounds” but might do better at “run a 5k” (which, sidenote, let’s all take a minute to remember that my sister set a goal to RUN 50 MILES and DID. So there’s that.)

2. Use metrics. Tangible numbers or measurable achievements. Otherwise, I fake it. I need a number so that I can check it off the list.

3. Actually take action on the goals! You won’t accomplish them if you don’t do them, obviously. Goals require followthrough, so get started!

That’s about it! Pick something fun, measure it, and actually get started. You are on your way to goal-achieving goodness.

My goals this summer:

1. Learn to Row

On a whim, I signed up for a learn to row class at the Lincoln Park Boat Club. My dad has been telling me for YEARS that I should try rowing, so I finally jumped on it. It’s hard and fun and allows me to be outside on the lagoon for 6 hours a week. Plus it’s a great way to meet new people, learn a new skill, and use some new muscles. Wins all around.

2. Learn to play guitar

This is been a goal for a LONG time, but I have never taken action toward it. This time, as soon as I felt the drive to learn, I reached out to a few friends, borrowed a guitar, and started practicing. I reached out to a few of my old students and had a jam session. And hopefully by the end of the summer, I’ll be able to at least partially accompany myself!

3. Walk A MILLION steps

Each summer, Ian and I volunteer with Hands Offering Hope—an organization run by our friend Amy. We head to Mexico to teach amazing students who are becoming world-changing leaders as part of a program called the Institute. We teach storytelling, digital communications, and web development (without the internet. or computers. yes, it’s hilarious.). This year, as a fundraiser for HOH, Ian and I are each walking a MILLION steps this summer! You can be a part of the fun by contributing to my fundraiser and helping these awesome kids (I can attest that they are amazing and hilarious and totally legit recipients of your charitable giving).

4. Read 15 books

There are 14 weeks between Memorial Day and Labor Day, so this would put me slightly ahead of my typical annual pace (50/year—one a week, with two spare weeks for long stuff/busy seasons). Some people tend to read a lot more in the summers, but I find myself slowing down because it’s light out so much later—I tend to stay outside or doing things (like lonnnnggg walks and rowing class!), so I have less indoor book time. I’m hoping to stay on pace as much as possible this summer. So far, I have two and a half down, 12.5 to go!

5. Host 100 people at the Blue Table

A couple of summers ago, I built a table. It’s bright blue and sits under a string of twinkle lights in my backyard. It’s covered in the signatures of each person who has eaten at it, and it is my happy place. I believe fully, entirely in the power of hospitality. Of opening my (always messy) home to anyone and everyone. And offering food (even random non-meal food which is my go-to) never hurts. Apparently, I am not the only person with the same idea.

After re-reading Shauna Niequist’s Bread and Wine and listening to this Jamie Ivey podcast and learning about Neighbor’s Table and hearing about The Turquoise Table book, I had a reinvigorated mission. More table time. More people. More hosting. More gathering. More community. The goal: 100 people around the table this summer. And I’m trying to figure out how to get new people there—people who I might not know yet!

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There you have it. My Summer goals.

What about you? I’d LOVE to hear what you are dreaming up for your summer!

Let me know in the comments!

Dear Ben

Last week, I had the opportunity to share about my RTW trip with my former students. The majority of the conversation was a Q&A, and several of the questions were quite profound. I felt that they deserved more comprehensive answers, so I’m taking them to the blog, starting with the hardest one of all. 

Dear Ben,

Here’s what you might already know:

That question you asked last Wednesday was quite profound.

As soon as we wrapped up our conversation and locked the basement door, I immediately texted Sam to let him know that his status as “best-post-trip-question-asker” was being threatened. To which he responded that he taught you everything you know.

So there’s that.

What you might not know is that you are one of very few people who could have asked that question. As one of my students, you’ve heard me share my whole story from beginning to end. Because of the nature of our relationship, you’ve been forced to listen to my “testimony” at least once, and probably multiple times.

Most people haven’t.

Even those closest to me only get snippets, or they live it alongside me – which is quite different than having the whole thing explained. My dearest heart-people might actually be too close to see the whole picture, and for better or worse, we aren’t often in the habit of narrating our lives to those around us.

So before I answer your question – and I do want it to answer it fully and thoughtfully – I think I first need to give some background. To everyone around me who might not know the story. Who might not know how significant it was for you to ask:

What was it like to travel with anxiety? 

I’ve hesitated to answer fully up until now, not because knowing the response is at all hard, but because accurately answering this particular question requires serious vulnerability. And vulnerability is inherently, unquestionably risky.

But if I’ve learned anything from reading about how to be a better writer, it’s that vulnerability is what really matters. My life is often incredible – I get to go to amazing places, take wild adventures, and meet awe-inspiring people. All of that is true. And if I’m honest, that is what I most want you to see.

But it would be easy to hide behind my Instagram-worthy photos and ignore the parts of myself that are messy. In so doing, I would by lying to you, but I would also be lying to myself.

And I’ve recently realized that maybe I’ve done just that.

A month or so ago, Mrs. E and I were watching This is Us, as we did each week all season. And as we watched the episode where Randall has a panic attack and nervous breakdown, I off-handedly commented how amazingly true-to-life that acting was, how familiar that scene was to me.

And then I realized that Mrs. E – one of my closest people and my second mother, someone who has literally been with me as I’ve grown up – had no idea.

Of course she didn’t know, because I had never told her. I had spent a lifetime mastering the art of looking like I had it all together – and I was very, very good at hiding.

She didn’t know about the nights in high school spent collapsed in a ball on the floor, unable to catch my breath or regain composure. She didn’t know that I had lost myself to full fledged panic attacks more than once, or that I had spent years learning to navigate a life where anxiety comes and goes as it pleases.

Like her, you probably don’t know that I had and still have somatic symptoms ranging from stomachaches to fevers to blisters on the insides of my eyelids. More often than not, my body knows that I’m stressed before my brain does – I’ve regularly watched my face breakout and then had to figure out what might be freaking me out and causing me to react. When I left for college, I was in such a crazy state of panic that I gave myself a 104 degree fever. These symptoms are real, but their causes are all mental.

I have anxiety-induced behaviors that manifest most often as dermatillomania – skin picking – which is just as disgusting as it sounds. But because I want to look presentable, my anxious tick is not to tear at my cuticles or face like many people who suffer from the same behavior, but instead at the bottom of my feet. Find me at a particularly stressful time (or honestly any time) and I will have large pieces of skin missing from my heels.

I regularly over-inflate even the simplest ailment, convincing myself that I am dying and then preventing myself from thinking about anything other than that for days or weeks at a time. If it’s not an ailment, it’s a situation. Or a conversation. Or a moment. I have a memory like a trap, which is both great and terrible.

All of this has been a part of my life for decades.

It doesn’t come from anywhere in particular; it’s not social anxiety or triggered by any particular fear. It just is. Like a fog or a monster. I can see it coming. And thankfully, I have learned and developed strategies to fight it off.

But it’s never totally fixed or gone.

I create structure because I operate best with guardrails. I can be free within lists and schedules, whereas completely open days make me squirm. It’s why I’m slightly neurotic when it comes to plans – because not having them makes me actually crazy.

In high school, when the panic was the worst, I quickly learned that getting myself around people was a surefire way to prevent a full-on attack. It’s why I cling to my inner social circle – they have literally held me together and upright without knowing it.

I learned to listen to myself – to know what it feels like to be heading toward panic so that it doesn’t arrive unexpectedly, even if it comes without an identifiable cause. It’s why my friends compliment me on how well I know myself – because I have to know myself in order to function.

And of course, I’ve leaned hard hard hard into Jesus. Because I had to. Because for me, there was no other way.

For so many people with symptoms similar to or more severe than mine, the right course of action might be medicine or tailored therapy or any combination of treatments and interventions. I’m on board for all of them, and I am in no position to prescribe or comment on the right thing to do for anyone else.

I just know what I need to do for me.

Which brings me back to the original question:

What was it like to travel with anxiety?

Because it is pretty wild, actually, that someone who handles her anxiety by being around close friends would leave everyone she knows for a year.

That someone who relies on structure would ditch every possible guardrail she has ever built.

When I think about it now, in retrospect, I feel a little bit crazy and a little bit like a badass.

But really, it just happened. I didn’t give it a whole lot of thought before I left or as it was happening.

The short answer is that traveling with anxiety is an awful lot like traveling without anxiety: hard and wonderful and boundary-pushing and absolutely, one million percent worth it.

Like any traveler, I was constantly learning – about other cultures, about the world around me, about myself. I tried new foods and met new people and attempted to speak new languages. I lived a wild, amazing adventure – one that had ups and downs the way that anyone’s world trip might.

But unlike everyone, I spent a particularly long afternoon sobbing in an airport bathroom, unable to regain composure.

And found myself in a Greek hospital being treated for a somatic ailment after weeks CERTAIN that I had a tumor growing in my throat. (I didn’t).

And I used valuable international phone minutes to call my dad four times in as many minutes, each unanswered call upping my panic, because I was SURE that something bad had happened. (It hadn’t).

And most recently, I spent a flight horizontal, headphones in ears, worship music blasting, utterly, completely convinced I was having a stroke. (I wasn’t).

Most of all, though, traveling with anxiety meant a year of learning how to rely so much more fully on God. By removing my guardrails and my people, I was left with only one course of action when I would get panicky – to pray. To turn to Jesus and HANG ON as tightly as I could.

This has always been a real and tangible thing for me, but it became so much more visceral and necessary on the road.

And God, being gracious and loving, gave me people and structure when I needed them most. He gave me unlikely heroes and comfort in my freedom. And he gave me new tools and gifts that have become a part of my routine.

While traveling, I learned to rest. I learned that my identity is not tied to what I produce, and therefore, I don’t need to be stressed about performing.

I discovered depths of joy that stem from gratitude – happiness that filled me to overflowing. And it’s hard to be anxious when you are bursting at the seams with gratitude and joy (hard. not impossible though. just fyi.).

And most of all, I was living into the person God created me to be. I was living MY life, as opposed to a life prescribed to me by someone else or the powers that be. This congruence of my actions and my identity led to both purpose and peace. I felt so confident that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.

Anxiety isn’t an every day thing for me. It wasn’t before, it wasn’t during the trip, and it isn’t now. But it does rear its head every now and then. I’m grateful that I didn’t let the fear of panic stop me from embarking on the greatest adventure of my life. I’m grateful that I’ve spent a lifetime learning to be brave and faithful, even when my insides work against me.

And I’m trying to have that same bravery now, as I bare my soul on the internet.

Because I spent a long time trying to look like I had it all together. I think we all do that, to some extent.

But when I heard your question, I knew I had some explaining to do. Because that question depended on you knowing my whole story. And that question cut me right to the core. It made me feel known and understood – something I think we’re all after, but something that can only happen if we are willing to unearth the things we initially try to hide.

One of the things I’ve learned most from both travel and from hanging out with all of you amazing students is that we are not one thing. We are all a mixture of circumstances and personalities, and we can’t let any one piece of ourselves overshadow the whole. That’s true for a woman living in extreme poverty and it’s true for a high schooler in River Forest.

And it’s true for me.

Yes, I get anxious sometimes. But I also get loopy and excited and heartbroken and playful and snarky and a million other things. It’s one more stroke on the page, along with my bull-headed optimism and loud leadership and nerdy school-loving and countless other characteristics that make me me.

So Ben, thank you for the question.

But more than that, thank you for being part of a tribe that has held my story with such care, not letting my one little quirk change the way you see me. You guys have given me the confidence to share more broadly, and all I can say is thank you.

With love and gratitude,

Allison

(PS – Actually I have one more thing to say: Travel. It’s the best.)

Dear Marly

My lifelong best friend is getting married this fall, and he invited me to write a letter to his future wife on the occasion of their engagement. This is what I wrote for her. 

Dear Marly,

First things first: I am over-the-moon overjoyed for you!! I cannot imagine a more perfect person for my best friend, and I am THRILLED to welcome you to our crazy family!

I tried making you a video (or, I suppose more accurately, I did make you a video) because that is JP’s style. Always has been. When we were seven we would borrow our parents’ camcorders and make adventure movies starring our beanie babies. Appropriately, the credits always said: “Assistant Director: Allison Kooser. Director, Producer, Writer, Cameraman, and the voice of all of the characters: JP Erickson.” Ellie and Shannon were lucky if they got a line.

It’s been this way forever – his love of performing, of sharing stories that are at the same time hilarious and heartwarming.

But while JP’s style is movies (for further evidence, please witness our 20-episode series documenting our road trip throughout the American west. I particularly recommend the episode in Yellowstone where we fight over how close is too close to get to a bison.), my style has always been writing.

And so despite my movie attempts, I knew that I also had to write a letter.

Because, you see, you are marrying my best friend, my pseudo-brother, my twin.

And I couldn’t be more excited about it.

I don’t have great relationship advice – and I certainly don’t know the secrets to a successful marriage. But I do know one very important thing: JP.

I know his character and his heart and his story. And because I know him, I know that you are getting the very best. So that’s what I have to share – my memories of him, that show me the kind of kid he was and the kind of man he has become.

I suppose the story I need to tell is really one of a whole life – starting on that fateful September 19, 1988 at West Suburban hospital when JP entered the world casually, simply and then, six hours later, I appeared on the scene in a dramatic, near-death fashion. I like to imagine us bonding in the little hospital nursery, but who knows, really. All I know is that our moms had both quit the corporate world and now had brand new babies on their hands, and so they spent lots and lots of time together. JP and I quickly fell in sync the way twins might – if I was having a bad day, my mom knew that she could call Jane and JP would be having a bad day, too. Even from the beginning, he was the brother I always needed, even if we didn’t share the same DNA.

Fast forward a few years, and we’re kids. This was the era of dress up (yes, I have photos and videos), dance parties (again, yes, I have videos), and endless performances. I was so bossy with just about everyone…except JP. He was in charge. He was a leader, even at age 5. You knew that you could count on him to take care of things, and you knew that he would make anything fun.

I’m so glad that hasn’t changed.

I know that even now, your life will be one of adventure and laughter and fun – because that’s how it’s always been with JP.

We slid stuffed animals down a stick from the top bunk and then shot them at the ceiling. We spent long days at Tri Star learning gymnastics (he was good because he was fearless. I, on the other hand, quit at age 12). Once, we thought it would be really fun and funny to mix every spice in the cabinet with water in the blender and call it “soup”. We then delivered said soup next door to Millie, who proceeded to eat it in front of us. We thought we were SO tricky – but now I realize that sweet Millie was actually just a great sport.

When we were older, we played countless hours of the Sims and Neverhood and Amazon Trail and Zoombinis on the computer. We attempted tricks on the trampoline (you can trust JP for just about anything, but when he says he knows how to spot you doing a backflip, DO NOT BELIEVE HIM!!) and played roles opposite one another in the school plays. He microwaved a video camera. I became a nerd. They put us on the cover of the newspaper. We grew up in lockstep – cheering and celebrating as we accomplished things, and standing by when we failed.

As you know, he does both so well. He’ll cheer and celebrate better than anyone, but he’ll also be there when things go wrong.

In high school, JP got cool and I got anxiety.

This is really when I began to realize just how valuable JP was in my life. In the years when I felt so alone and so trapped, he was always there. Sure he was stretching his wings and growing into his independence (as any 15-year-old does), but he was also steadfast and present when I needed him most. He was my person.

I remember being at camp as a sophomore in high school, when my social life was falling apart around me. I had counselors and leaders, but even they knew that the person I needed was JP. And so they let me break curfew to pour out my heart to my brother – the person who was my sounding board and keeping me afloat. I am forever grateful to him for that, and I’m not even sure he remembers.

He’ll be that for you in a million more ways than I could even imagine. Your person. Your sounding board. Your best friend.

I’m sure he already is.

High school also meant memorizing the lyrics to Rent and spending winters on joint family vacations and navigating the world that is church youth group. It meant me doing his Spanish homework, taking diving lessons at the pool (he was good, I wasn’t), and spending long weekends in Michigan. It meant taking full advantage of having a male best friend (learning things that I truly never wanted or needed to know) and meeting his cute buddies (oh heyyyy).

When I struggled with boys, JP took me to my senior Homecoming and Prom – not out of pity (I don’t think), but out of genuine kindness. He taught me what it meant for a guy to treat me well and make the big gesture, even if our relationship was only ever platonic. He was the first boy to throw pebbles at my window, to bring me flowers, to hold my hand (ok, that last one happened when we were toddlers, but you get the idea!).

I can only imagine the grand romantic gestures you – as his love in life – have already experienced and will continue to experience for a lifetime. (If this weekend is any indication, the boy goes BIG for his woman!)

The first time JP came to visit me in college, I ended up with a supremely annoying nocturnal hamster I didn’t want (and that was definitely not dorm room approved). The first time I visited him at college, we ended up on lockdown because of a rogue gunman.

Life is never boring with JP.

We convinced our parents to let us drive across the country when we were 19. Three weeks, 8,000 miles, and one new minivan engine later, we had learned that we can spend every waking hour together without murdering one another and we had a newfound love of adventure.

If I do have any life advice to offer, it is this: live life as a grand adventure. The best decision I ever made was to start saying yes to the opportunities that presented themselves to me, even when they seemed scary or crazy. Leaning into God’s plan will ensure not only a fruitful life, but a wild, surprising, fun one, too. I can think of nothing better.

As adults, we have each found our passions. When JP moved to LA, it felt so right. I had zero doubt he was going to succeed – because despite his seemingly-carefree spirit, he is actually remarkably driven and focused when he’s doing something he loves (maybe even to a fault). I can remember years of reminding him to eat, to drink something other than Mountain Dew. He would forget basic keep-yourself-alive behaviors because he cared so much about his projects. When it matters to him, he gets it done – and he gets it done well.

I kept studying, started working, and eventually found my way to nearly-full-time travel.

It brings me such joy to see us both pursuing and achieving our dreams. And even though that means we don’t see each other nearly as often as we once did, it shows that we are living into our callings. Into the lives that God uniquely created us to live.

And I am so wildly thankful that that life for JP includes you.

Just after you started dating, he came to visit me at my office in Chicago. My coworkers asked him to share a gross story about me, and he told them about the time I threw up on him (which, by the way, was completely his fault). We chatted about all kinds of things, and I bemoaned the complicated not-quite-relationship I was navigating at the time.

Knowing that I was frustrated by dating at that moment, he held his secret close to his chest. He didn’t want to belittle my pain with his joy. Because as soon as he mentioned you, his face lit up. He couldn’t contain it. And I knew, even then, that this was something special.

Months later, when I met you for the first time in the middle of the night, climbing into a trundle bed in a room with 6 people you didn’t know in a random house in Virginia, I saw how beautiful you were and how beaming your smile was, even after hours of travel. But, let’s be honest, it was the middle of the night. How much of an impression can someone make?

The next day, though, I saw you with JP. I saw your love for him, and I saw how you shared the same passions and interests. And as I watched you play Pokemon together, and saw you dive into the love couch with all these strangers, and heard you totally hold your own among our crazy crew, I knew for sure.

You guys were so good together.

You guys are so good together.

As you can imagine, it’s an unusual thing to have known your best friend since the day you were born. He’s shared so many of my formational moments – more than any other person. He holds a prominent place in my heart, and so I’m protective of him. And when it comes to his life and his future, I want nothing but the best.

I’m so grateful that you are that.

And so it is with so much celebration and joy that I extend my biggest welcome into our crazy friend-family. We are not normal (at all), but we have a lot of love and a lot of fun, and we’ve survived so much together.

My best friend is now your forever partner. In adventure. In hardship. In celebration. In everything life throws at you or brings your way.

I can’t wait to witness the lifetime of memories you create together, and I am so excited to call you my pseudo-sister.

All my love and celebration,

Allison